| 1 - Never walk without
a document in your hands: |
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking
employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing
in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.
People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading
for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff
home with you at night, thus generating the false impression
that you work longer hours than you do. |
| 2 - Use
computers to look busy: |
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual
observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and
generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related
to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the
proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about
but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss
-and you "will" get caught -- your best defense is
to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus
saving valuable training dollars. |
| 3 - Messy
desk: |
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest
of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge
piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last
year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that
counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming
to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down
in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
|
| 4 - Voice
Mail: |
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't
call you just because they want to give you something for nothing
- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's
no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If
somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like
impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're
not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious
even though you're being a devious weasel. |
| 5
- Looking Impatient and Annoyed: |
One should also always try to look impatient
and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are
always busy. |
| 6 - Leave
the office late: |
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is
still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you
always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving.
Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send
important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.)
and during public holidays. |
| 7 - Creative
Sighing for Effect: |
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the
impression that you are under extreme pressure. |
| 8 - Stacking
Strategy: |
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table.
Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals
are the best). |
| 9 - Build Vocabulary: |
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon
and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation
with bosses. Remember: They don't have to understand what you
say, but you sure sound impressive. |
| 10 - MOST IMPORTANT: |
Don't forward this to your boss by mistake!!! |