STN
EXCLUSIVE: Genetic Growth Hormone Tested on CatsGiant
Kitty Coughs Up Giant FurballsNEW
YORK (AP) - Reknown Geneticist, Gary VonJesdanum, has come under
certain scrutiny because of his most recent experiment. Famous for
his work in producing giant cucumbers, tomatoes, and corn; his work
has earned him numerous humanitarian awards for helping famine in
3rd world countries. Whereas, he once vowed to stay away from animal
genetics to strictly pursue plant genetics, Dr. VonJesdanum was
swayed by the glamour, money, power, and women which are common
in the animal geneticists lifestyle.In his race for "bigger
and better" Gary VonJesdanum is on a mission to dominate the
NBA by making his "Shaquille O'Neal in-a-Bottle" genetic
growth formula. He started by decoding the feline genome (overnight)
in order to develop his first batch of secret sauce. According to
the geneticist, "The results were better than expected."
His cat, Creampuff, who can be seen below, has been the topic of
much scrutiny by his peers, animal rights' activists, foreign powers
and his other cat, Snowball.He now has plans to make his dog Clifford
bigger and redder. In addition he hopes to release a cream which
can be applied topically and selectively. He anticipates that the
human formula will be ready for the 2002-2003 NBA season. Nike,
Gatorade, Playboy, Pfizer, The Ringling Brothers and Arliss have
all expressed interest in his forthcoming product.