STN EXCLUSIVE: Genetic Growth Hormone Tested on CatsGiant Kitty Coughs Up Giant FurballsNEW YORK (AP) - Reknown Geneticist, Gary VonJesdanum, has come under certain scrutiny because of his most recent experiment. Famous for his work in producing giant cucumbers, tomatoes, and corn; his work has earned him numerous humanitarian awards for helping famine in 3rd world countries. Whereas, he once vowed to stay away from animal genetics to strictly pursue plant genetics, Dr. VonJesdanum was swayed by the glamour, money, power, and women which are common in the animal geneticists lifestyle.In his race for "bigger and better" Gary VonJesdanum is on a mission to dominate the NBA by making his "Shaquille O'Neal in-a-Bottle" genetic growth formula. He started by decoding the feline genome (overnight) in order to develop his first batch of secret sauce. According to the geneticist, "The results were better than expected." His cat, Creampuff, who can be seen below, has been the topic of much scrutiny by his peers, animal rights' activists, foreign powers and his other cat, Snowball.He now has plans to make his dog Clifford bigger and redder. In addition he hopes to release a cream which can be applied topically and selectively. He anticipates that the human formula will be ready for the 2002-2003 NBA season. Nike, Gatorade, Playboy, Pfizer, The Ringling Brothers and Arliss have all expressed interest in his forthcoming product.
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